A Mother's Shame Read online

  The carriage was rattling down Nursery Hill now, the horses’ tails flying out behind them and their breath hanging on the air like fine lace. Maria glanced silently from the window as the familiar landmarks flashed past, aware that she might never see them again, and she ached for a final sight of her mother as the enormity of the journey she was about to embark on came home to her. They passed through Chapel End and down Tuttle Hill then through Abbey Green, and soon the carriage drew to a halt outside the railway station. Maria had seen the outside of the station often when she came to the market in Nuneaton town centre, but she had never set foot inside before and had no idea what to expect.

  It was then that Isabelle glanced at Maria before telling her mother, ‘Mama, I feel it is only right that you should know before we leave that Maria is carrying a child too.’

  ‘I see.’ Shock registered on Helena’s face for the briefest time before the woman responded, ‘Well, there is nothing we can do about it now, but I will write to your uncle again and explain so that he understands the situation.’

  Helena’s heart raced as she tried to digest this latest piece of news. The girls were both so young and she had been relying on Maria to care for her daughter – but how would she be able to do that if she was to have a child too?

  Hoskins jumped down from the carriage and after finding a porter he instructed him to have all Miss Isabelle’s luggage placed into the guard’s van at the back of the train for safekeeping. He then helped the ladies down, dreading what the master would say when he learned of his part in their escape. But then he could hardly have refused his mistress’s orders, could he? Helena ushered them all through the ticket office and onto the platform.

  ‘I’m afraid your train does not depart until a little later,’ she apologised. ‘But I think you will be safe here in the Ladies’ Waiting Room, away from prying eyes. And there is a cosy fire in here, too. I have booked a sleeping compartment for Isabelle but unfortunately it was the last one available so you two will have to travel in a third-class compartment.’

  ‘That’s quite all right,’ Maria assured her. ‘We shall be fine, won’t we, Kitty?’

  The girl nodded, her tearful eyes looking far too big for her small, pinched face.

  ‘Right then. I suggest we go and find ourselves a nice warm cup of tea.’ Helena led them along the platform to a small tea room and soon they had a large pot of tea in front of them and some slices of rich fruitcake.

  ‘Do tuck in,’ she advised. ‘You may not be able to get food on the train in third class, and this may well be all you have until you get into Liverpool Lime Street early tomorrow morning.’

  The cake did look delicious but both Maria and Kitty were so nervous that neither of them could eat a thing. Eventually Helena shook out a clean white handkerchief and wrapped the cake in it for them, urging Maria to put it in her pocket. ‘Just in case you get peckish later on,’ she explained.

  The afternoon wore slowly on, but at last Helena led them out of the warmth of the Ladies’ Waiting Room onto the platform again. An icy wind was whipping along it and the girls shuddered. But thankfully a train rumbled into sight, belching smoke, and Kitty sank into Maria’s side again, frightened half out of her wits. It looked like some sort of iron monster racing towards them and she had no idea how she was going to force herself to climb aboard it. But with Maria’s support and encouragement, she managed it. Soon they were standing in a small passageway as Isabelle leaned out of the window and clung to her mother with tears pouring down her cheeks.

  ‘You are going to be in such dreadful trouble with Papa,’ she sobbed.

  Helena smiled bravely although she felt as if her heart was being wrenched out of her chest. ‘Don’t you get worrying about that, my love. By the time he even realises you have left Hatter’s Hall you will have set sail and there will be nothing he can do about it. Just take care of yourself and write to me as soon as you can, to let me know that you are safe. ‘

  A guard was walking along the length of the train now, slamming doors, and the two women kissed each other hurriedly as he blew a shrill whistle and waved his green flag.

  ‘Goodbye, darling, and good luck.’ Helena stood back as the train chugged into life, the tears she could no longer hold back streaming from her eyes, and then with a blast of smoke from the engine it was pulling away and the three girls hung out of the window as best they could and waved until Helena was swallowed up by the fast-darkening afternoon. A guard approached them, and after looking at the tickets that Helena had pressed into Isabelle’s hand, he first led Maria and Kitty to their third-class compartment before taking Isabelle along to the sleepers’ section of the train. The two girls sat down on hard wooden bench seats in a compartment that was full of men and women all dressed in their working clothes, then Kitty held on to Maria for dear life as the first leg of their journey began. They were on their way.

  Chapter Twelve

  They alighted from the train early the next morning. Isabelle looked refreshed, but in third class the hard seats and the overpowering smell of unwashed bodies had ensured that Maria and Kitty had only been able to doze for a few moments at a time. Now their eyes were red and gritty from lack of sleep and they looked totally exhausted. Even so, within minutes of stepping from the train their eyes were stretched wide.

  Liverpool Lime Street station was nothing at all like the small Trent Valley railway station in their home town. It was positively enormous! Vast glass and iron roofs loomed above them, where smoke from the trains rose to form ethereal twisting shapes. Finely dressed men and women hurried past them – ladies in coloured crinolines and fine bonnets, resembling multi-coloured butterflies, on the arms of tophatted gentlemen. Seats were arranged the whole length of the platform along one wall, and after instructing a porter to fetch her luggage, Isabelle urged them to sit down and wait with her until Joshua arrived. In her pretty silk skirts she blended in well, but Kitty and Maria felt distinctly out of place although luckily no one appeared to be giving them so much as a second look. Sometime in the early hours of the morning, the two girls had shared the fruitcake Helena had wrapped for them but now their stomachs were growling ominously and they just longed to lie down.

  The luggage was delivered in due course and then Isabelle began to pace distractedly up and down.

  ‘Where is that brother of mine?’ she groaned.

  And then suddenly a young gentleman walking in their direction caught her eye and with a whoop of joy she raced towards him and flung her arms around his neck.

  ‘So here you are at last,’ Kitty and Maria heard her say, and then tucking her arm into his she marched him towards her companions, who rose to greet him.

  ‘Joshua, this is Kitty. She will be our general maid during the voyage.’

  ‘Pleased to meet you, Kitty.’ Joshua took her hand, causing Kitty to blush to the very roots of her hair as he bowed over it.

  ‘And this is Maria, who is my lady’s maid.’

  Joshua now turned to Maria, and as their eyes met and locked, the most curious thing happened, for suddenly everything around them faded into the background and there was only each other.

  ‘Maria,’ he said courteously. She was easily the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and for one of the rare occasions in his life Joshua was speechless.

  Maria meanwhile was thinking what a handsome young man he was. His eyes were the colour of green leaves and kindly, and his smile seemed able to light up the drab surroundings of the station. He was holding her hand and his touch was burning her, whilst a thousand butterflies had begun to flutter in her stomach. No man had ever affected her this way before, not even Lennie, and suddenly she was feeling very shy.

  ‘Come along, you two. We shall miss breakfast at the hotel if you dawdle for much longer.’

  Isabelle’s voice pulled them both sharply back to the present and Joshua suddenly dropped Maria’s hand as if it had scalded him.

  ‘Right then. Let’s get the porter to bring this lot o
utside and find us a cab, shall we?’

  Avoiding Maria’s eyes he allowed Isabelle to take his arm and with Kitty, Maria and the porter following with all their luggage on a long trolley, he led them from the station.

  The girls’ eyes were out on stalks as they entered the busy streets of Liverpool. Horse-drawn cabs and crowds of people jostling each other were everywhere they looked, and they were sure that they had never seen so many people all in one place before. If it came to that, they had not even realised there were so many people in the world. It was all so very different from the little market town they had left behind.

  ‘We’re staying at the Angel Hotel tonight,’ Joshua informed them. ‘And I think you will find it very comfortable. I’m sure you must all be tired after the train journey, so I suggest when we arrive there, you can order some breakfast and then go and rest for a while. Then later on, if you feel up to it, I can take you all shopping to purchase suitable clothes for the voyage. Mother has supplied me with the funds for this purpose, and no one is to be left out.’

  He held up his hand and a horse-drawn cab pulled up at the side of them almost immediately. The porter unloaded the trunks and helped the cabbie to secure them with ropes, and Joshua tipped him generously. He then helped his sister inside. Kitty hastily followed, as did Maria, who avoided his touch. She was still in a tizzy after their meeting. The cab was something of a disappointment, as there was stale straw on the floor and the windows were draughty, but the passengers barely noticed as they peered out at the teeming streets with interest. The horses clip-clopped along the cobblestones, weaving this way and that through the traffic until eventually they drew to a halt in front of a very smartlooking hotel.

  Joshua disappeared inside to fetch yet another porter to deal with the luggage, and whilst he was gone Kitty leaned against Maria and whispered fretfully, ‘Eeh, I can never go into a place like that dressed this way. They’ll chuck me out on me arse!’ Suddenly remembering Miss Isabelle who was sitting opposite, she clapped her hand across her mouth but Isabelle chuckled.

  ‘I can promise you they won’t if you are with me,’ she assured her imperiously.

  Minutes later, Joshua returned and whilst the luggage was unloaded he paid the driver who tipped his cap courteously.

  ‘Eeh by gum!’ The luxurious foyer had Kitty dumbfounded. She had never seen anything like it in her entire life, nor ever thought to; neither had Maria, if it came to that.

  They stood there admiring the glittering chandeliers and the thick carpets on the floor whilst Joshua went to the desk to collect their keys. A hotel porter took them up a splendid staircase that led to a galleried landing.

  ‘We’re all on the first floor,’ Joshua told the girls. ‘And I took the liberty of ordering a late breakfast to be sent to your rooms. I hope that is all right? I thought you might be more comfortable that way rather than going down to the dining room.’

  The two girls nodded, too tongue-tied to speak, and when the porter unlocked the door to Isabelle’s room, they had a quick peek at the panoramic view of the city from her window.

  ‘We shall all meet down in the foyer at one o’clock after we have had a rest,’ Isabelle told them. She beamed. ‘And then we shall go shopping.’

  The two girls nodded in unison as Joshua strode with them further along the corridor. ‘I thought you two might be happier sharing,’ he said gently. ‘So I booked you a twin room.’

  ‘Oo er!’ Kitty gulped as she stared at the two neatly made beds and the silken counterpanes. ‘’Tis fit fer the good Queen herself.’

  ‘I’m glad you approve,’ Joshua said with a friendly smile. Then with a little bow he left them, to go with the porter to his own room. Suddenly forgetting how tired she was, Kitty raced around touching and stroking everything in sight.

  ‘Ain’t Mr Joshua just the ’andsomest chap you ever saw?’ she breathed dreamily. ‘An’ so kind an’ all! Yer’d never believe he were a gent, would yer?’ Then with her eyes sparkling mischievously she added, ‘An’ I reckon he’s right taken wi’ you even if he does have a lady friend back home! Felicity, her name is if I remember rightly. I heard Mrs Bradshaw talkin’ about him once in the kitchen at Hatter’s Hall. But did yer see the way he looked at yer when yer were introduced?’

  ‘Don’t be so silly, Kitty,’ Maria said more sharply than she had meant to.

  Kitty’s face dropped a mile and, instantly contrite, Maria caught her hand. ‘Sorry,’ she apologised. ‘I think I’m more tired than I realised. But you mustn’t say things like that. Mr Joshua and I are poles apart. He would never look kindly on a servant, and if what you heard is correct he probably has a fiancée already.’

  She was feeling utterly confused. Only the day before, she had been grieving for Lennie, and now here she was feeling drawn to Isabelle’s brother who was a gentleman. It was quite ridiculous.

  Never one to bear a grudge, Kitty clambered up onto one of the beds and let out a sigh. ‘I reckon these are feather mattresses.’ But she had time to say no more, for at that moment there was a tap at the door and a maid appeared pushing a trolley.

  ‘Your breakfast, madams.’ She looked down her nose at their shabby apparel. ‘Do please ring if there is anything else you require,’ she said haughtily then she flounced from the room wondering what the world was coming to, to allow two such people to stay in a place like this. The Angel was one of the best establishments in the whole of Liverpool, so what the hell were those two common street girls, who probably congregated on the corners each evening, doing there? Sticking her nose in the air she hurried about her business.

  Kitty meanwhile had hopped off the bed and lifted the lid of a silver salver to find a sturdy breakfast staring her in the face, and enough for at least four people into the bargain.

  ‘Cor, would yer just come an’ look at this,’ she gasped in awe as her mouth watered. It was a world away from the lumpy porridge she was used to back at the Hall. ‘There’s sausages, bacon, mushrooms, eggs, kidneys an’ all manner of treats here, Maria. I reckon I must have died an’ gone to heaven!’

  Maria chuckled as she lifted a plate and began to help herself to some of the food. It certainly did look delicious and she was determined to do it justice. There was little left on the trolley by the time they had both finished, and with their bellies full and in a slightly happier frame of mind, they climbed onto their beds to take a short rest and within minutes were both fast asleep.

  Just before one o’clock as arranged, Maria and Kitty made their way down to the foyer to meet Isabelle and Joshua. They had washed and tidied themselves as best they could but in their drab clothes they still stuck out like sore thumbs and attracted more than a few curious stares as they found some seats in a corner and tried to look inconspicuous. Thankfully Isabelle and Joshua joined them within minutes and Maria was amazed at the change in her mistress. Now that she was away from Hatter’s Hall she was all smiles, with no sign of the volatile young woman she had been forced to wait on.

  ‘Ah, here you both are.’ Her cheeks dimpled as she beamed at them. ‘Let’s go shopping then. There is not a minute to waste.’ Turning to her brother, she said, ‘Would you ask the page to whistle up a cab for us, Josh?’

  ‘Of course.’

  In no time at all they were heading for the city centre and Maria was shocked at how big it was. There were surely more shops in one street here than there were in the whole of Nuneaton.

  Once Joshua had paid the driver, he went off to smoke a cigar in a nearby establishment, and to read The Times, while his sister steered the two young women towards a large emporium.

  Kitty stared disbelievingly at the beautiful gowns displayed in its window.

  ‘I think we shall see to you two first,’ Isabelle declared. ‘You will need some warm clothes for the journey, and of course a good thick cloak each. And also some lighter apparel for when we get there. Josh says Tasmania can get as hot as an oven in the summer. He still has the clothes he wore last time.’

/>   Within an hour, both girls were the proud new owners of two good quality gowns and a warm cloak each.

  Kitty was beside herself with excitement by then and could hardly wait to get back to the hotel to try them on. For her, Isabelle had selected two gowns in a pearl grey, that would suit the general maid of a lady. They may have been a similar colour to Maria’s uniform at Hatter’s Hall, but there the similarity ended. The cut and finish were far more luxurious. Her cloak was a darker grey with a hood and a fine wool lining, and Isabelle had also insisted that she should have some sensible lace-up boots, the first that Kitty had ever owned, as well as some warm undergarments and nightclothes. The items were all packed into enormous boxes, which Isabelle arranged to be delivered to the Angel Hotel later in the day. Maria’s gowns were slightly more elaborate as befitted a lady’s maid, in a pretty shade of blue with full skirts and tiny pearl buttons all up the front, and neat velvet collars. Her cloak was a richer shade of blue that enhanced the colour of her eyes, and like Kitty, Maria was delighted with the purchases. Neither of the girls had ever been in such a fine shop before and they followed their mistress about in a state of wonder.

  Isabelle bought surprisingly little for herself, apart from a new bonnet that she declared she really could not resist. She already had trunks full of clothes back at the hotel, but Maria did whisper at one stage that it might be a good idea to buy a couple of gowns in a larger size? Isabelle’s eyes darkened momentarily, but then seeing the sense in what Maria said, she reluctantly obliged, hating the thought of how she might look by the time she was forced to wear them. They then shopped for some lengths of a lighter material which Maria informed her mistress she could make into dresses for herself and Kitty. Of course, by the time they reached Australia, she would be needing looser gowns herself.

  When eventually they had all they needed they sent for Joshua, who settled the substantial bill. The afternoon was darkening and he suggested, ‘Perhaps we should go back to the hotel now and have a meal? Then we can all get a good night’s sleep before we board the ship tomorrow.’