A Mother's Shame Read online

  Suddenly she knew that she must see him and a plan born of desperation began to take shape in her mind. She would wait until everyone was in bed then she would sneak out and go and see him. Glancing at the rain-lashed window she drew her shawl more closely about her slim shoulders. But it wasn’t the thought of the weather that made her flinch; it was the realisation of what would happen if her father caught her. She could clearly remember the last time she had displeased him, and the cruel sting of his cold leather belt on the back of her bare legs.

  Her chin suddenly jutted with defiance. Desperate situations called for desperate measures, and as far as she was concerned, if her suspicions proved to be correct, then this situation was desperate indeed.

  She sat in the chilly bedroom for another hour then slowly made her way downstairs to sit through her father’s Bible-reading. The reading seemed to take twice as long as it normally did this evening, but at last he closed the Bible and peered at his children over the top of his gold-framed glasses.

  ‘You may all go to bed now,’ he told them, and one by one they formed a line and dutifully planted a peck on his cheek before climbing the stairs.

  Once in the privacy of their little room, Maria helped Emma to get undressed and slipped a faded cotton nightgown over her head.

  ‘Aren’t you going to get undressed too, Ria?’ the child asked as her arms snaked around her sister’s neck.

  ‘In a minute, sweetheart. I’m a bit cold right now, so I thought I’d get in and you could give me a cuddle and get me warm.’

  Emma giggled as Maria lifted the blankets and snuggled down beside her fully clothed.

  ‘Mother will be angry if you get your clothes all creased,’ she warned.

  Maria kissed her soft cheek, whispering, ‘Mother won’t notice if we don’t tell her. Now you close your eyes and think of nice things.’

  Emma immediately screwed her eyes tight shut and soon the sound of her gentle snores echoed around the room. Once she was sure that the child was asleep, Maria disentangled her arms and carefully rolled to the end of the bed. Downstairs, she could hear her mother pottering about as she banked down the fire and locked the doors, then seconds later she heard her father’s heavy footsteps on the stairs followed by her mother’s lighter ones.

  She heard them walk down the long narrow landing and the sound of the bedroom door closing behind them, then she waited for what seemed an eternity until the only noise that could be heard was the wind flinging the rain against the windows.

  Gingerly, she got off the bed and padded to the door. Inching it open, she peered along the landing and was rewarded with the sound of her father’s guttural snores. With her shoes in her hands, she tiptoed down the stairs. Her heart was hammering in her chest and every second she expected to feel the clamp of Edward’s steely fingers on her arm, but at last she made it to the back door. Quickly snatching up her coat, she quietly turned the key.

  Once outside, the biting wind made her gasp and she struggled into her coat and slipped her shoes on before hurrying away.

  In no time at all she had left the cottage behind and was battling against the wind and rain as she climbed the steep Chapel End hill. The full moon cast an eerie glow along the deserted road as she finally turned into Chancery Lane and paused to get her breath. Ahead of her she could see Lennie’s mother’s small house on the bend in the lane, and was relieved to see a light faintly shining through a gap in the curtains. That meant that they were still up. Perhaps Lennie had gone down with the awful influenza illness that was sweeping through the village at present? That would explain his absence for the last few weeks. The thought lent speed to her feet and she hurried on, eager to see him again.

  Once she reached the front door, which opened directly onto the street, she did her best to flatten her damp windswept hair with the palm of her hand before tentatively tapping. Almost immediately she heard the sound of a bolt being drawn back. A plump middle-aged woman with tight frizzy hair peered out into the darkness. This was Lennie’s mother then. Maria had never actually met her before, apart from glimpsing her in the post office, and she was momentarily at a loss for words.

  ‘I er . . . Hello, Mrs Glover.’

  ‘Whadda yer want?’ the woman barked.

  Maria gulped and went on, ‘I’m er . . . a friend of Lennie’s. I was wondering if I might have a word with him, please. If he’s in, that is . . .’

  Maria’s voice trailed away as the large woman glared at her – and then suddenly the door was slammed in her face.

  She hovered uncertainly and was just about to turn away when she heard the woman shout, ‘Lennie! There’s one o’ yer fancy pieces at the door askin’ to see yer! Right bloody time o’ night to come callin’, this is. She wants her arse kickin’ if yer ask me.’

  Once again the door was flung open, and Maria’s face flushed with pleasure as Lennie peered out at her.

  He looked slightly nonplussed to see her, and a shifty expression crossed his face. ‘What brings you here at this time o’ night then?’ he asked. ‘I thought yer dad didn’t like yer out after dark?’

  ‘He d-doesn’t,’ Maria stuttered. ‘He doesn’t know I’m here.’

  ‘So why are yer then?’

  Maria was suddenly glad of the darkness that would disguise the burning in her cheeks. ‘I had to see you, Lennie. There’s something I have to tell you. Is there anywhere we can go where we can talk?’

  What – at this time o’ night and in this weather?’ He scowled, but then seeing that she was upset he snapped, ‘Oh, all right. Wait there. I’ll just go an’ get me coat an’ me boots back on.’

  Once again the door was shut in her face and Maria glanced fearfully up and down the lane. There would be ructions if anyone saw her here and word got back to her father. Thankfully, Lennie reappeared within seconds, buttoning up his coat. Grabbing her elbow, he began to guide her none too gently down the lane across the uneven cobblestones.

  ‘Me Mam ain’t none too pleased, I don’t mind tellin’ yer,’ he muttered peevishly. ‘She were just about to lock up an’ go to bed, an’ I’m dead on me feet. I’ve bin fer a game o’ dominoes in the Salutation wi’ me mates an’ I were lookin’ forward to a good night’s sleep. Another ten minutes an’ I’d have been abed.’

  Maria’s stomach sank into her boots. Lennie didn’t seem pleased to see her at all, and no doubt he would be even less pleased when he heard what she had come to tell him.

  ‘So, come on then. Spit it out – whatever it is yer need to say to me. I ain’t got all night to be walkin’ the streets in the rain, yer know.’

  Stopping abruptly, Maria sought for the right words to convey her fears to him. Finally deciding that there was no easy way, she blurted out, ‘Lennie . . . I think I might be with child.’

  Even in the dim moonlight she saw the shock register on his face. He took a step away from her as if he had been stung before gasping, ‘So what yer tellin’ me for?’

  Hurt made the tears that had been threatening spill from her eyes and stream down her cheeks. ‘I’m telling you because it’s your baby, of course, Lennie.’

  He shook his head and held his hand out to keep her at a distance. ‘Fuck off. Yer needn’t try pinnin’ it on me. The flyblow could be anybody’s.’

  ‘Oh, Lennie, how could you even say that? I’ve never . . . You were the first and I’ve never been with anyone else. You know that.’ She was sobbing now but Lennie was unmoved and wishing that he was a million miles away.

  ‘Huh! I bet every girl in your position says that. I weren’t born yesterday, yer know. An’ anyway – we only did it the once. I never meant fer it to get serious.’

  ‘You only did it once – and you said you loved me.’ Her voice was thick with raw pain and she suddenly felt as if she was caught in the grip of a nightmare. For weeks Lennie was all she had thought of, every waking minute. She even dreamed of him at night, but now here he was telling her that he hadn’t meant any of the things he had said to her.


  ‘But . . . but what shall I do if you don’t stand by me?’ she faltered. ‘My father will kill me when he finds out – and you too! You know what a temper he has. There’s only one solution to this. We’ll have to get wed . . . an’ quick.’

  Terror replaced the shock on his face as he considered the options. What would be worse, facing the wrath of Edward Mundy or tying himself to someone he didn’t love for the rest of his life?

  Deciding that he needed time to think, he forced a smile to his face. ‘Happen yer right, gel. Sorry fer the way I reacted. It was just a bit of a shock when yer told me, that’s all. But here’s what we’ll do. You get yerself away home now an’ try an’ act as if nothin’s wrong. Then after work tomorrer, I’ll be round to see yer dad, eh?’

  She smiled tremulously through her tears. ‘Do you really mean it, Lennie?’

  ‘Course I do. Now go on, get yerself away afore he realises yer not there.’ All the time he was talking he was backing away from her. She was longing to throw herself into his arms and tell him how very much she loved him, but realising that he needed time to come to terms with what she had told him, she nodded and reluctantly watched him turn about. In no time at all he had disappeared into the stormy night and she was left to make her way home alone. But still, at least he had said he would stand by her, and this time tomorrow the worst would be over and they would be planning their future together. The thought put a smile on her face and a spring in her step as she hurried home through the darkness.

  Chapter Two

  By the time Maria arrived back at the cottage the sleety rain had stopped and a thick frost was forming. Martha had been predicting snow for days, and now as Maria shivered her way along the deserted lane she had no doubt that soon her mother would be proved to be right.

  She was almost home when a fox suddenly shot from the bushes and ran across the lane in front of her, so close that she might have reached out and touched him. Maria’s heart leaped into her mouth and she had to pause to compose herself before hurrying on. It was the first time in her whole life that she had ever been out so late on her own, and it was not an experience she was enjoying. Thinking about it now, she thought how unlikely it was that she should find herself in this position, for her father was very strict and allowed her no freedom at all. But then he had no hold over her whilst she was working, and it was in her short lunch-breaks that the love affair between herself and Lennie had blossomed.

  She flushed with pleasure in the darkness as she thought back to the first time he had entered the shop where she worked and the way his eyes had lit up at the sight of her. He was the first young man who had ever flattered her, and within days of their meeting she had fallen for him, hook, line and sinker.

  She allowed her mind to drift back to every single moment they had spent together, and soon the dark trees lining the lane and the cries of the night animals were forgotten.

  ‘How do yer do? My name’s Lennie Glover. Can’t say as I’ve seen you in here before.’

  Maria blushed prettily, casting a cautious glance across her shoulder to make sure that Mrs Everitt, the shopkeeper, was still in the back room having her lunch.

  ‘I haven’t been working here long,’ she admitted shyly. ‘My name is Maria. Maria Mundy.’

  ‘’Ere – your dad ain’t Minister Mundy, is he?’ Lennie asked.

  When Maria nodded, he threw back his head and laughed, setting his thick dark hair dancing in a halo around his handsome face. ‘Well, stone the crows. I’d never have thought he’d be capable o’ producin’ a looker like you. No wonder he’s kept yer hidden fer so long.’

  Maria’s blush darkened as he eyed her approvingly up and down.

  ‘Ever let you out of a night, does he?’

  Maria’s head wagged from side to side under his scrutiny and when he leaned over the counter towards her she thought her heart would leap out of her chest. Just then, Mrs Everitt appeared from the door behind the counter and glared at him disapprovingly.

  ‘So what can we be doin’ fer you then, Lennie Glover?’ she asked icily.

  ‘Personally, not a thing,’ he retaliated. ‘But I’ve a list o’ things ’ere as me mother’s in need of, if yer’d be so kind.’

  ‘Maria, go into the back room and have your lunch. I’ll see to this,’ Mrs Everitt ordered, and bowing her head, Maria scuttled meekly away.

  When she returned to the shop fifteen minutes later, Lennie was gone and Mrs Everitt was waiting for her with a face like a sour lemon.

  ‘That . . . young man who came in a while back,’ she said sternly. ‘I don’t want you havin’ nothin’ to do with him. Do yer hear me? He’s a bad ’un. In fact, the whole family is. His mother is nothin’ short of a— Well, let’s just say that she’ll never be a lady. I know yer father would have a fit if he knew you’d even spoken to Lennie Glover, so be warned, my girl.’

  ‘Yes, Mrs Everitt.’

  ‘Now get to and stack those shelves over there – and neatly, mind. I take a pride in my shop. It’s only a shame as I can’t choose who walks through the door. I’ve no doubt the Glovers have never so much as set foot in your father’s chapel. But then not everyone can be so godfearing as he is. You’re a lucky girl to have such a fine father.’

  Maria wondered if Mrs Everitt would still have been of the same opinion if she knew what a vicious man her father could be at home, but wisely she held her tongue and hurried away to do as she was told.

  Over the next few days, Lennie appeared at the shop every lunchtime – always when he was sure that Mrs Everitt was out of the way – and slowly, Maria felt herself falling in love with him. One day he asked, ‘Look, couldn’t yer tell the old biddy yer have an errand to run fer yer mam in yer lunch-break? The old dear needn’t be any the wiser an’ we could take a stroll over the fields where no one could see us.’

  Maria chewed on her lip as she considered his request. She had never done anything dishonest before, but then the thought of some time alone with Lennie was very tempting.

  ‘All right,’ she said eventually. ‘I’ll meet you at the end of Plough Hill Road tomorrow at one o’clock. But I’ll only be able to be away half an hour at the very most.’

  The smile he gave her set her pulses racing, and for the rest of the day, and night too for that matter, she could barely concentrate on anything.

  The next morning at breakfast her mother raised her eyebrows as she noticed that Maria was dressed in her Sunday-best blouse and skirt.

  ‘I spilled something down my work clothes in the shop yesterday,’ Maria muttered by way of an explanation. She hated lying to her mother, but then how could she turn up to meet Lennie in her drab grey work dress?

  The way his face broke into an approving smile when she met him made the lie worthwhile. As they began to stroll along Plough Hill Road he noticed the way her eyes darted fearfully from side to side and he asked, ‘Would yer rather we struck off across the fields?’

  When she nodded numbly he took her small hand in his large one and guided her through a gap in the hedge. They found a tree and he gallantly laid down his coat for her to sit on under a leafless oak tree.

  From then on she met him at least twice a week and soon she became adept at coming up with excuses to get away from the shop without making Mrs Everitt suspicious. She found herself living for those days and soon knew without a shadow of a doubt that she could not bear to lose him. It was on one such day in late October that the heavens opened as they strolled along and the rain came down in torrents.

  ‘Quick – let’s shelter in here.’ Taking her hand, Lennie dragged her towards a disused cattle shed on the outskirts of a field.

  Once inside they laughed as they took off their saturated coats and shook the rain from them. And it was there that Lennie kissed her properly for the very first time as lightning lit up the sky and thunder rolled above them.

  When his hand first roamed across her small firm breasts, Maria tensed and gazed at him from troubled eyes, but he was gent
le and soon he had awakened feelings in her that she had never known she had.

  ‘It’ll be all right,’ he whispered. ‘It can’t be wrong if we love each other, can it? An’ I do love yer, Maria.’

  His warm hand was working its way up her skirt leaving a trail of fire in its wake. Her mother and father had taught her that it was wrong to be alone with a boy before you were married, but as Lennie had said, they did love each other, so that surely made it all right.

  When he unbuttoned her blouse and his hot lips closed around her erect nipple she was sure that she would die of pleasure, but then commonsense had taken over and she had somehow managed to stop him from going any further, much to his disgust. But then as she had told him, they had all the time in the world, and she knew that she was his girl forever then. Why else would he have tried to make love to her?

  She was so lost in thought that it was almost a shock when the cottage where she lived loomed up out of the darkness in front of her, pulling her thoughts sharply back to the present.

  Tiptoeing round to the back door, she breathed a sigh of relief when the doorknob turned easily in her freezing hand. Slipping soundlessly into the kitchen, she shut the door softly behind her and paused to listen. There was only silence – so she swiftly pulled off her damp clothes and tossed them over the large wooden clothes-horse that stood in front of the banked-down fire. Then, quiet as a mouse, she crept up the stairs in her petticoat and sidled into her bedroom. Emma was still fast asleep and in the moonlight that winked though a crack in the curtain she looked like a little angel. Maria crept in beside her, revelling in the warmth of her sister’s tiny body, then she tossed and turned the night away as she thought of the day ahead.